Call 413.540.1234 to
schedule an appointment
CONCERN/EAP: 413.534.2625
Billing questions? Call: 413.540.1212
CRISIS: 413.733.6661

Sexuality & Sexual Problems
Resources
Basic InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers
SexAnxiety and SexSexual Obsession? OCD?Is The Word 'Not' Missing?Help me Fight With my Sex DriveAnxiety Over Sexual FantasyWhen I Talk to Women My Eyes Fall on Their Boobs AutomaticallyDifferences in BedMy Boyfriend Cannot Have SEXEx-Girl Friends Pictures on Boyfriend's ComputerHow Can We Stop Our relationship From Falling Apart?Husband Never Wants Sex, Prefers to Masturbate. I'm Lonely...How to Prevent Any Relapse Into Pornography?Should I be Discouraging my Girlfriend's Masochistic Fantasies?Lack of Sex Drive at a Young age?Strange Sexual Fantasies Sex Feels Wrong Now That I'm PregnantFriends with BenefitsIs My Boyfriend Suffering From Some Kind of Sexual Problem or Is He Lazy in Sex?Intercourse Doesn't WorkSexual Genetic Programming Difficult to ControlCan a Marriage Survive Without Sex?Can We Make This WorkCan Attraction Come Back?Fear of Sex in Hubby Due to ED and Constriction in ChestWhy Won't He Have Sex With Me?Alcohol, No Sex, No Intimacy...Why Am I Here?Is He Gay?I'm Really Lost Too Different?No Sex Drive - EverHe Doesn't Feel the Same Way About Me But... HELP, With My Sexuality?My Boyfriend Has NO Sex DriveSame-Sex (Gay Boyfriend) Doesn't Desire Sex... Why?I'm 21, Female, With No Sex Dive, and it is Ruining my MarriageHow do I Reconnect With my Partner?Growing Apart In A Marriage Is It Him Who Is Too Hard To Trust Or Is It Me?What Is Happening To Me?No SexSingle Mom in Relationship, Withholding Affection, Stand-Off?My Boyfriend Wants to Experiment With MenMy Fiancee, The Wall Is UpI Think My Husband has Sex and Intimacy IssuesHow Can I Talk About My Greatest Fear?Husband and DaughterInorgasmiaOverdriven and Uncontrolled Sex Drive Needs Daily MasturbationHow Can I Recover My Sexual Drive that has Diminshed Severely Post-Surgery?Is it Transference or A Real Crush?Bipolar and sexual dysfunction?It Just Keeps Getting Worse, SarahMask and Encasement Fetish, MeteNo Sex DriveFiancee is bi-sexual I feel ugly and smell and smell down below. Is this normal?Holding ThroatSadistic Sexual Fantasies - Erotica.My wife and her sexualityI can't stop jerking off! How can I stop masturbating?My girlfriend and I have been having intercourse for over 2 1/2 years and she has yet to orgasmHow Can I Aviod Sexual Anxiety?My depressed husband won't sleep with me. What should I do?Religious wife is conflicted over husband's desire for anal playA wife writes: "Somehow, we have not yet had sexual intercourse"Rough SexWhy is he ruining our relationship?Religious wife regrets premarital sex; won't sleep with husbandSexual AnxietySex is great, but I dont like to do it.I beg you to give me your suggestions - Saman - Aug 4th 2008 "A Man's Perspective," Nick H. July 9, Men, Women, Marriage and SexI am a beautiful girl.....so why is my boyfriend selfish in bed?Alarming childhood issueRough SexChronic User-NEED ADVICE - Bryan - Mar 12th 2008Low Sex DriveSmoking fetish- looking for helpIs My Husband Gay ?Husband has low sex drivegender hatredBored husbandLooking at other women's breastsMy fiancée left me because of my past porn useSame Sex CuriosityNever been kissed but wanting sex ... (please help advise)Can I become a virgin again?Asexuality?Nude women an issue?swingerI have to imagine I'm a sex victimWe don't get much enjoyment from sexIs something wrong with me? (sexual question)Sexually Frustrated in KansasTerrified I'll Do something Sexually InappropriateHow can I stop using Porn?Boyfriend Talks DirtyOnline GamesFrustrated LesbianGay PornBondage and DisciplineCompulsive SexDecreased InterestCompulsive Internet Porn UseProper Sex Not HappeningTroubled MarriageI Rarely Want To Have SexMy Husband Won't Touch MeA Sexual ProblemLacking In IntimacyAmbivalent ExhibitionistI'm 40 But Still Feel Like A Teenager When SexualPornography #1Is Male Interest In Pornography Normal?I Think He May Be GayHusband Hates SexWants To Cross DressAntidepressants and Sexual DesireLow Sexual DesireIt's Not The PillsAftermath of the ThreesomeSexual Disorder?Sleep TalkerAm I A Prude?MasturbationLack of InterestCross-Dressing BoyfriendNo Desire For Sex 2Was I Sexually Abused?Can A Marriage Withstand Group Sex?Sex and IntimacyUncomfortably NumbNot There for MeI've Lost Interest in SexLosing My Sex Appeal?Orgasm Without Sex?!My Sex Drive is Out of Control!Sexual FantasiesTumultuous RelationshipMy Husband is a Cross-DresserArousal Disorder?Recovery TimeShould I Swing?Orgasmlessjb writes:
LinksBook Reviews
Related Topics

Family & Relationship Issues
Homosexuality & Bisexuality
Relationship Problems

Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

HELP, With My Sexuality?

Tue, Jan 18th 2011

OK,

So, I am an almost 18 year old male. I have been curious, for a long time, about gay sex. Well not curious, but aroused by it.

I do not like the kissing and the love of homosexuality. I find it disgusting. I know this is weird and some people say its a phase I'm going through because I do find it disgusting. But its been a 5 to 6 year phase.

I am a very conservative and traditional person. Its not because it was how I was raised but just the way I am.

I do remember a time in my early adolescence when I was completely straight. With time I have moved towards bisexuality. What I mean is that a few years ago Lesbian Porn turned me on just as much as Gay Porn. Now, I don't know.

I am still physically attracted to women although sometimes not as much as to men. There is this girl I really like and I stare at her and take in her beauty and I feel all nice when she hugs me. Once, we slept together and we cuddled but no sex, just sleeping and I was so ecstatic, I was in heaven.

My fear is will my sexuality continue changing until I am completely gay? You see I don't want to be bisexual let alone be gay. This not because I would not be accepted by other people, but because I've always wanted a wife and kids and this nice life. I want to get married, won't cheat on my wife, and will tell her about my bisexuality. Love conquers all and why should my plans, dreams and aspirations change because God or life handed me something I didn't ask for.

My parents accept me when they discovered I was watching gay porn when I was 13 or 14. Immediately they took me to a therapist to help me understand my curiosity. I think they would ultimately accept me and love me, and, in fact, I know they do. But why should they accept me for something I don't want to be.

A possible reason for my bisexuality is that I was touched in my privates various times by an older cousin when I was young. Also, the fact is that my father was not around much during my early childhood.

I have never had intercourse with either men or women. I have made out with some girls and enjoyed some touching. I have touched and rubbed with two men but that was recent and I actually did not enjoy it. I mean apart from all the negative feelings that come after its done I did not find it exhilarating.

So, I decided that I would stop looking at gay porn and that I would only accept the heterosexual side of my orientation. The problem is that one of those guys told me that everyone goes through what I am going through and he was sort of leading me to believe that I would end up like him one day. That really scares me. Until then I only thought about my sexual confusion 2 or 3 times a day at most. Now it is every hour or more and its been going on for 3 days only.

Should I give it some time? I have read about conversion therapies and that my sexual orientation can be changed. That would be the greatest gift I could get. I know conversion therapies are frowned upon and don't work for everybody but for me, they might work, because I really want to change. Also,I think some people would sort of be surprised and disappointed if I am gay or bisexual. I just don't want to be gay.

You see, that's another thing. I know I am still attracted to women but instead of saying I'm bisexual I say I'm gay. Horrible thoughts about my confusion pop into my head every damn 20 minutes or 40 minutes. I usually think I'm gay and that worries me.

I am a very paranoid and stressed person as you can tell from my E.Mail. I just want your feedback about what you think, and what you think I should do to stop these dumb thoughts from coming into my head every 20 40 minutes? To

Please keep in mind that I am still in High School and, so, any solution that involves money is improbable at this time. If you feel you do not have the right tools to help me please tell me instead of confusing me any more. And please don't tell me to accept myself because your professional opinion is that homosexuality is not a sickness. It might not be but I am unhappy about it. Show me some real proof that those conversions can work for anyone. If conversion does not work and I am confident that it will well then I will try to learn to accept myself but I would only tell my parents and future wife

THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.

Disclaimer

  • Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
  • Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
  • Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
  • No correspondence takes place.
  • No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
  • Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
  • Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.