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Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Is it Transference or A Real Crush?

Tue, Jun 23rd 2009

I'm a 19 year old lesbian and am having some sort of difficulty with my new support worker. I've only seen her three times so far, but within ten minutes of seeing her for the first time, I realised how beautiful she was and how great her accent sounded (which is really only one very small reason why I like her so much). The first session went well, but I couldn't stop my thoughts heading back into the "She's gorgeous" direction. She's the 4th person I've been referred to see so far. I felt the other three didn't really help me very much and I didn't feel comfortable talking to them much. However, I do feel comfortable talking to my new one, but it's hard because I kind of censor the things I tell her because I want her to like me. I can't stop thinking about her. She was my first thought in the morning and last thought at night. Usually my crushes develop after months of knowing the person, but after only a day or two I knew I was crushing on her. My third session wasn't one on one so I didn't really get to speak to her much or see her much really. But when I did I could feel my eyes kind of locate her and stay put until I felt ashamed and looked away. Sorry, my question is, I'm, according to the Wikipedia article, on Transference. That's when someone reminds you of someone from your past. So I know it's not that. It has nothing to do with her devoting an hour of her time to listen to me because I wouldn't mind if she talked for the hour or no one talked. I just want to be near her. During the 2nd session I just wanted to get up, go over to her and kiss her. I didn't of course, but it did cross my mind. I don't want her to get into trouble and I don't even know if she's gay and, if she was, I doubt she'd like me. Do you suggest I tell her that I'm crushing on her, or would that just make things awkward? Would she still want to continue see me if I tell her? I want her to like me and that might make her not want to see me anymore. And yes, she knows I'm gay, I told her during the 2nd session and she reacted positively (or maybe she had to because it's part of her job...). I'm scared that if this continues I'm going to start to fall for her, hard and fast. I just don't know what to do. I crave her touch.

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