My husband and I met when he was in the midst of divorcing his first wife, and his daughter was still in pre-kindergarten. His daughter and I got along quite well and he and I became best friends. He proposed to me nearly three years after we began dating. When it's just the two of us together he's very supportive and I feel like I'm the most important person to him. But when his daughter is around I feel like I'm pushed to the wayside.
Of course, when his daughter was young, I understood that she was his top priority. He was only granted visitation every other weekend and his ex-wife was stingy about letting him see her any additional days. But she's in college now. Even though she and I still get along, we're nowhere near as close as when she was little.
My husband's primary focus is on her when she's home, and because of that, I feel like a third wheel. Example: several years ago my husband had to travel for business and said that he'd be missing my 40th birthday. I was very hurt that he wouldn't be able to celebrate my milestone with me and asked if he couldn't change his travel dates just that once. He told me that if he did he'd miss more of his visitation and he didn't want to do that. Needless to say, I was extremely hurt that something so important to me didn't matter to him.
Recently, that incident came up and I said that I definitely want us to celebrate my 50th birthday together since we couldn't celebrate my 40th together. He flew off the handle when I brought that up and stated that his daughter will always be his top priority and, as his second wife, I should have known that. So, is this true? Am I always going to be second place to his daughter? Or am I not that important?
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